My weekend... and yes, I'm getting old

So, I've known for awhile I'm not the young chick I used to be... please people, I know you are thinking, "no, you are gorgeous, everyone loves you, you are the life of the party..." but it's true. I'm officially not able to party like I used to.... And here's why:

I went to a party and I stayed till 7. Problem is: I started drinking water at 10 am. YES, water. I had a few drinks but I was downing water like a champ AND i was snacking and MAINTAINING... have I EVER EVER EVER done that? This girl who woke up with a taquito in her mouth, this girl who woke up with blue teeth once, this girl who never throws up in cabs though we always spend 5 min convincing the cabby, this girl who is usually found in the turtle position when she goes missing... THAT girl may be gone... its a sad day people, and I'm in mourning. oh, she may show up occasionally, but i'm afraid that she's now only a guest star.

Oh, and that's not all, I'm starting to go to a coffee clatch with some ladies from the neighborhood. You know what they do? They meet up and have coffee, talk about their kids, husbands, general women things AND I'm super excited about it.... no I'm stoked. YEAH. STOKED. I'm not ashamed. They are some cool women... and I have a lot in common with them (besides the kids and husbands).

Here's another reason: I'm cooking. For my mom. I'm planning on cooking. My mom brought home Better Homes and Gardens, and I squeeled. loud. I LOVE that magazine. I became the tween girl that jumps up and down when the new Nsync CD came out. In my head, I was doing the "bye bye bye" dance. All this for the Valentine's edition of a mom magazine. OH OH OH! AND, in the bathroom, I actually pick up my parents' national geographic and architectual digest and I READ the articles, NOT just look at the pictures. AND I enjoy it, I really do want to know about brain chemistry and how certain people memory's are effected, and yes, sometimes I do want to know who the top 100 interior designers are.

That's not all people: the final thing that lets me know I'm totally old. I'm soft, like not fat, soft. I'm like my six pack is going away - AND i'm ok with it! I say things like, "I'm freakin 27 years old... why the hell would I want to work out 3 hours a day to maintain a six pack." That is old people's logic my friends. ONLY old people say things like that because they don't CARE what they look like on the beach, or what they look like in a midrift. I look fabulous naked, not gonna lie, sometimes I get mad at Adam and Eve for because I totally could strut around naked and be fine with it, however, I look at myself and think, "is this going towards muffin top area?" and I think, how do I look better naked than with clothes on, then it hits me. I don't like the new trends, I hate the skinny jeans, and super tight shirts. I want things that "fit".

Yes, what I'm getting at is: I have to wear AGE appropriate clothing! For the party, I was like where the hell are all my party clothes? I asked my mom what I should wear, and she goes, don't you have a short skirt? NO, NO I DON'T. (I would like you to note, I ASKED MY MOM WHAT I SHOULD WEAR.) All my cute tops, are cute - for going to a martini bar (101) or a restaurant... NOT bullwinkle's or any sort of dive that I used to go to.

It's a sad day. I might someday become that woman who drives a mini-van, bakes cookies for fun, and has one glass of wine on occasion.

All I ask is that if I get fat. Someone please tell me.