Ok, this week has been CRAZY. By that I mean, I left my house 3 times!! to go out!
1st day: I went out with my friend Tom to Old Town square because they have Easter shops set up. We hung out and had dinner with my mom. It was fun, my mom had cow tongue... EWWWW.... AND SHE LIKED IT! I will say it did not look like the tongue I've seen... I just really wasn't into "trying it". I mean, she was EATING TONGUE. Then Tom and I went to a Blues club. It was cool but I guess he'd taken a date there earlier in the week so he was a little weirded out (I was the OTHER girl). It was a good time, we laughed alot. We went home fairly early - he had to work... yeah, that excuse is getting old FROM everyone! "Oh look at me, I have a job - I make money, I have responsibility... I don't lay on the couch all day... blah blah blah" :)
ANYWAY, I have a Czech friend here who's name is Marek, and it was his birthday the next day. SO I went to dinner with everyone... well dinner led to drinks and then to dancing. Well, low and behold, I'm the only girl that went out again.... My mother had gone out with her friend Heidi that night so I wasn't especially worried about waking mom up when I got home. She had the car and I gave her my keys so she'd be able to get into the house.
Well, I get a phone call about 2:30am and its my mom. She says she's tired and she doesn't want to drive home... I was still out and about but still... I was like, ok, I have nowhere to sleep - awesome. So what did I do? I just stayed out drinking. Well, it sounded like a good idea at the time.
So we go to this dance club, this littler guy was hitting on me, so my friend was cock blocking. I felt bad but not that bad. There were like 2 guys getting more and more wasted... so of course we ordered shots. Absinthe - which is NOT good and NOT fun to take and NOT worth it. So I take one. There were 6 guys and me taking this terrible shot. The bartender chick thought it woule be AWESOME if she lit them on fire. SIX shots with a bunch of DRUNK people...
We all toast and before I knock my shot against anyone's I blow mine out... well NO ONE ELSE DOES. TWO guy had their fingers on fire. ONE of them spilled the shot on the floor - SO NOW THE FLOOR IS ON FIRE. I have a mixed drink (Vodka tonic and lime) and I'm staring at it - it is right next to my foot. I actually stared at it thinking, "will my drink set it more on fire or help the situation..." Another guy tried putting it out by stomping and ended up getting his shoe on fire...
Meanwhile two things happened: 1) luckily, a guy spilled his beer on the floor to smother it.
2) I felt my arm get hot and looked down... MY HAIR WAS BURNING OFF MY ARM. This is one of those times, I REALLY hate being short and having gravity go against me. apparently one of the other guys decided to toast the shot while still on fire, and casually spilt FIRE LIQUID on my arm not noticing....
I am like shit, so I wipe my arm and it instantly went out. My arm was ok, the hair was burned but no permanent damage. I look at my friend who has a blister on his finger and then my LEG is on fire. WHAT THE HELL?! So I am like how is my leg on fire but my jeans are completely fine? Well I put out that fire too... Another guy burnt his fingers pretty bad, but I was too busy BEING ON FIRE to notice the other idiots and their fire stories.
So we like stay another 10 minutes then head out. We go to another bar, I'm handed another drink and we go downstairs to listen to some DJ. I was so stoked I found a chair. Then one of the guys I was with (I am pretty sure now he is the fire starter), started puking right next to my chair. A LOT. LIKE MORE THAN I'VE EVER DONE. Again, we were like, ok, we can't stay here either. FINALLY, we start heading home - but wtf... I can't get IN MY HOUSE. Mom is asleep when I call so even if I can get home (which I usually do), I can't break into my own house.
I end up sleeping at "the house" (all of you guys, that is code), which of course gets another guy in trouble and starts rumors that I am sleeping around. My mom comes at picks me up in the afternoon, and now feels bad because of boy drama. Luckily, I have cleared it up since then - but dude, really?
Oh, the last night I went out to a Cuban restaurant and there was no dancing, I was disappointed and forced my neighbor to stay out till 4am...
Recap:
1) My mom ate cow tongue so technically, she's gotten to first base with a cow
2) At some Blue's bar, they think Tom is a hoe.
3) Don't take absinthe shots
4) Don't take absinthe shots especially on fire
5) Don't take absinthe shots on fire with drunk people
6) Being on fire sucks
7) Being on fire TWICE sucks more
8) Don't trust the guy who took the shots, burned you and threw up next to your chair
9) If you sleep on the couch, you should wear a sign that says, "this is me, sleeping on the couch NOT having sex"
10) Margaritas are awesome.
This is Athena - still alive, with one hairless arm.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
So what? It's not my first addiction
Hi My name is Athena and I'm addicted to wedding pages. I've been an addict for a few months and I've tried cutting down but everytime I try and fail, the addiction comes back stronger.
Not just any wedding pages... the ones that have DIY (do it yourself) crap all over them or they are just off the wall (red wedding gowns, firefly themes, and yes, pink hair.)
offbeatbride.com, weddingbee.com and oncewed.com are my favorites (the last one because of the classified sections - not because I'm into the sight... yeah I'm not buying anything, but it has awesome classifieds)
Before you go all, OMIGOD Athena has turned into one of those girls who is not even engaged and has a folder planning the whole wedding out... let's just slow your roll ok? Take a deep breath. I first must tell you how this love affair began (it's all Yonie's fault):
*fade into black
*fade into two couples in a Denny's having breakfast. Yonie and Mike and Me and Dev (we first started "dating" not even a couple, not even hung out more than twice)
Yonie: Y'know, I know you guys are new but I was just thinking it would be so funny if you two got married and once side was all garnet and gold and the other side was like orange and blue...
(Yes, jokes about the jets and the sharks came out...) Hilarity ensued but so did a game between me and Dev called "WEDDING CHICKEN".
Wedding chicken:
Rules one: only awesome ideas
Rule two: refer to rule one
Devin and I used to play this game alot and so far we have these things that must occur.
1. Groomsmen - MacGyver mullets, blue and orange latex tuxedos
2. Bridesmaids - rollerscates, garnet and gold (mullets are optional but encouraged)
3. Bride: rollerblades
4. If Groom is late, must say his apologise in Gospel Preacher voice. (THANK YOU GARMON! For getting me here TODAY)
5. Groom may have a MacGyver moment at the alter in order to save all the guests (this we won't know until we don't invite someone and they decide to go all nemesis on us.... I'll, of course, let you know)
6.. M.C. Bride - yup, me with a mic
7. Karaoke at the reception
8. Wedding party is dancing thriller (yes this might actually happen because IT IS THAT AWESOME)
9. We want Captain Picard to be the Priest.... and the back up is Jonathan Franks (Will Riker). (Either way he's invited to the wedding and everyone must pose with him... maybe a wax statue... this me and Devin haven't discussed I'm just thinking out loud... and by that I mean, I needed to tell you that awesome idea)
10. A gator groomscake and an FSU wedding cake - let it be known in our FAKE wedding, the gator is NOT ALLOWED to eat anything FSU (i.e. helmet, bobby, colors, etc.)
11. If we have it thanksgiving weekend, we'll do potluck and make sure no one watches the game so that fights don't break out. (And they can't hate me because its MY WEDDING - although Dev thought this was a bad idea.)
So, those are a few of them.... well, I got to looking some of this stuff up... just because I can, and I have a lot of time.
Well, it got me thinking of all the different crap out there and how creative people are and I became obsessed with creative invites... then reception ideas, then cake toppers... and now I'm addicted. P.s. I'm in LOVE with DIY - but lets be honest, I'm not creative. I'm not a person who LOVES to do crafty things, I just like looking and PRETENDING that I'm crafty... I just want "me" written on everything (problem is - sometimes, well, I'm tacky... and i LOVE it. )
LOOK AT THIS: I'm in love with these ninja salt and pepper as cake toppers. I LOVE THEM. http://www.patinastores.com/Products/Ninja_SP_Set_088367.cfm
Then I'm like, i need a toast that is a tequila shot... screw champagne. (not really, i like champagne). Then I'm like, hmmm... and then it starts aLL OVER.
I need help. I know I do, it's just that I love it. It makes me feel good all over. Not the whole planning the wedding (because $21,000 is the average amount spent; there are like "to do lists" and shit) but the part where its a huge party and it's aLL about ME. I know it's terrible, I know its selfish - but I like seeing all my friends get drunk on free booze and all dressed up and dancing because let's be honest, who doesn't? It sounds like a good time no matter what... maybe I should just have a wedding... but call it "My birthday party"... there's a novel idea, why can't the websites just be called "all about me"... then it'd be a healthy obsession, right?
I've decided those chicks that plan their wedding before they even date the guy have one thing in common 1) they are all selfish.
Yeah me too, but at least I want to get you drunk too :)
Not just any wedding pages... the ones that have DIY (do it yourself) crap all over them or they are just off the wall (red wedding gowns, firefly themes, and yes, pink hair.)
offbeatbride.com, weddingbee.com and oncewed.com are my favorites (the last one because of the classified sections - not because I'm into the sight... yeah I'm not buying anything, but it has awesome classifieds)
Before you go all, OMIGOD Athena has turned into one of those girls who is not even engaged and has a folder planning the whole wedding out... let's just slow your roll ok? Take a deep breath. I first must tell you how this love affair began (it's all Yonie's fault):
*fade into black
*fade into two couples in a Denny's having breakfast. Yonie and Mike and Me and Dev (we first started "dating" not even a couple, not even hung out more than twice)
Yonie: Y'know, I know you guys are new but I was just thinking it would be so funny if you two got married and once side was all garnet and gold and the other side was like orange and blue...
(Yes, jokes about the jets and the sharks came out...) Hilarity ensued but so did a game between me and Dev called "WEDDING CHICKEN".
Wedding chicken:
Rules one: only awesome ideas
Rule two: refer to rule one
Devin and I used to play this game alot and so far we have these things that must occur.
1. Groomsmen - MacGyver mullets, blue and orange latex tuxedos
2. Bridesmaids - rollerscates, garnet and gold (mullets are optional but encouraged)
3. Bride: rollerblades
4. If Groom is late, must say his apologise in Gospel Preacher voice. (THANK YOU GARMON! For getting me here TODAY)
5. Groom may have a MacGyver moment at the alter in order to save all the guests (this we won't know until we don't invite someone and they decide to go all nemesis on us.... I'll, of course, let you know)
6.. M.C. Bride - yup, me with a mic
7. Karaoke at the reception
8. Wedding party is dancing thriller (yes this might actually happen because IT IS THAT AWESOME)
9. We want Captain Picard to be the Priest.... and the back up is Jonathan Franks (Will Riker). (Either way he's invited to the wedding and everyone must pose with him... maybe a wax statue... this me and Devin haven't discussed I'm just thinking out loud... and by that I mean, I needed to tell you that awesome idea)
10. A gator groomscake and an FSU wedding cake - let it be known in our FAKE wedding, the gator is NOT ALLOWED to eat anything FSU (i.e. helmet, bobby, colors, etc.)
11. If we have it thanksgiving weekend, we'll do potluck and make sure no one watches the game so that fights don't break out. (And they can't hate me because its MY WEDDING - although Dev thought this was a bad idea.)
So, those are a few of them.... well, I got to looking some of this stuff up... just because I can, and I have a lot of time.
Well, it got me thinking of all the different crap out there and how creative people are and I became obsessed with creative invites... then reception ideas, then cake toppers... and now I'm addicted. P.s. I'm in LOVE with DIY - but lets be honest, I'm not creative. I'm not a person who LOVES to do crafty things, I just like looking and PRETENDING that I'm crafty... I just want "me" written on everything (problem is - sometimes, well, I'm tacky... and i LOVE it. )
LOOK AT THIS: I'm in love with these ninja salt and pepper as cake toppers. I LOVE THEM. http://www.patinastores.com/Products/Ninja_SP_Set_088367.cfm
Then I'm like, i need a toast that is a tequila shot... screw champagne. (not really, i like champagne). Then I'm like, hmmm... and then it starts aLL OVER.
I need help. I know I do, it's just that I love it. It makes me feel good all over. Not the whole planning the wedding (because $21,000 is the average amount spent; there are like "to do lists" and shit) but the part where its a huge party and it's aLL about ME. I know it's terrible, I know its selfish - but I like seeing all my friends get drunk on free booze and all dressed up and dancing because let's be honest, who doesn't? It sounds like a good time no matter what... maybe I should just have a wedding... but call it "My birthday party"... there's a novel idea, why can't the websites just be called "all about me"... then it'd be a healthy obsession, right?
I've decided those chicks that plan their wedding before they even date the guy have one thing in common 1) they are all selfish.
Yeah me too, but at least I want to get you drunk too :)
God thinks jokes on me are hilarious
H'ok so... this is a boring blog, but i have only two things to talk about: bleeding dog eyes and large nose
I actually went outside yesterday and Saturday. Oh yeah, out of my sweats and put JEANS on.
Oh, and I went to a party on Sat. night. I won't go into the boring details but at the end of the night there was a hilarious game of categories.... I can't tell you how funny it is to try to explain the game "questions" to a drunk guy 3 different times, 3 different ways WITH examples (i.e. What time is it?) and have him answer it EVERYTIME, even when we gave him a question... THEN he gets mad because he thinks we are fuckin with him and that we made up the game and changed the rules.
OK - bleeding eyes: I took my dog to the vet. I had to, but was happy to do it because it wasn't that cold out. That was when i started THEN I get to BFE (I live in Prague six - and it's across the river and through Prague 1 to get to Prague 10)... by the time I got there it was snowing... I was lucky, it wasn't sticking but it was still FREAKin cold. Well, I hurry my flabby little ass to the vet's office. I swear it took me less than 5 min off the bus to the office and guess what? they are closed for lunch for another 53 minutes... yeah 53. So now my butt's cold and my dog is bored. so I walk Max around... for 53 minutes... they do not open the door a SECOND earlier... (oh, and there were other people waiting and because I was there first but NOT SEEN first, I didn't get served first.) So I did what I needed to do, and played cuttsys. Yeah I pushed my way in, WITHOUT an appointment. Hell, even if they yelled at me I wouldn't understand but I was like dude, I've been freezing my ass off for FIFTY THREE minutes. Well, Max was seen and had his eyes looked at - which of course it was the red dye again. So I leave with my dog having bad allergies and red eyes. I swear the looks I got....
Picture this: Max, old cow looking dog with a happy smile with his tongue sticking out and bleeding red eyes. Yes, I probably would've scared young children had I seen any. Mainly people just kept staring at him... they didn't even look at me - it was like my dog was possessed and they couldn't look away.... He was like prancing because he's smelling all sorts of pungent lack of deo kinds of things with his creepy bleeding eyes... and because the snow was coming down and we kept going in places (like the bus, the train etc.) the snow would melt and his eyes would drip the red dye... onto the floor... so his creepy bleeding eyes were dripping onto the floor... hilarious to watch other people..."omigod, that dog is bleeding out of his eyes and his owner is barely 15 years old and doesn't even notice... omigod, it's on the floor... so gross"
:)
Which brings me to my version of possessed: I was riding on the bus home (with the dog) and a lady got on with these super cute kids. Three little girls. I mean super cute kids, with like cute hats and everything. I looked up and BAM! the longest nose I have ever seen on a woman. I tried not to stare but I couldn't help it. I'm glad I was at the back of the bus and she wasn't paying attention. Her nose was seriously as long as my pointer finger and her nostril, NO JOKE, had to be 3/4 inch to an inch long. LONG not wide... it was not wide, but long. although it did have slight bulbous action going on at the end. I stared until I got off, and then I daydreamed about it all the way home... were those kids hers? Those kids didn't have big noses? I wonder what her nose to body ratio is? What kind of names did they use to make fun of her? Does it get in the way when she kisses? Has she broken it before.... how many times did it take? I know I'm going to hell for that one... but seriously. I'm still thinking about it.
Now, I must go because I have to buy food to feed myself with... Apparently, this is something most people do that I'm not accustomed to doing anymore.
So that's my story, bleeding eyes and a nose with it's own ecosystem.
I actually went outside yesterday and Saturday. Oh yeah, out of my sweats and put JEANS on.
Oh, and I went to a party on Sat. night. I won't go into the boring details but at the end of the night there was a hilarious game of categories.... I can't tell you how funny it is to try to explain the game "questions" to a drunk guy 3 different times, 3 different ways WITH examples (i.e. What time is it?) and have him answer it EVERYTIME, even when we gave him a question... THEN he gets mad because he thinks we are fuckin with him and that we made up the game and changed the rules.
OK - bleeding eyes: I took my dog to the vet. I had to, but was happy to do it because it wasn't that cold out. That was when i started THEN I get to BFE (I live in Prague six - and it's across the river and through Prague 1 to get to Prague 10)... by the time I got there it was snowing... I was lucky, it wasn't sticking but it was still FREAKin cold. Well, I hurry my flabby little ass to the vet's office. I swear it took me less than 5 min off the bus to the office and guess what? they are closed for lunch for another 53 minutes... yeah 53. So now my butt's cold and my dog is bored. so I walk Max around... for 53 minutes... they do not open the door a SECOND earlier... (oh, and there were other people waiting and because I was there first but NOT SEEN first, I didn't get served first.) So I did what I needed to do, and played cuttsys. Yeah I pushed my way in, WITHOUT an appointment. Hell, even if they yelled at me I wouldn't understand but I was like dude, I've been freezing my ass off for FIFTY THREE minutes. Well, Max was seen and had his eyes looked at - which of course it was the red dye again. So I leave with my dog having bad allergies and red eyes. I swear the looks I got....
Picture this: Max, old cow looking dog with a happy smile with his tongue sticking out and bleeding red eyes. Yes, I probably would've scared young children had I seen any. Mainly people just kept staring at him... they didn't even look at me - it was like my dog was possessed and they couldn't look away.... He was like prancing because he's smelling all sorts of pungent lack of deo kinds of things with his creepy bleeding eyes... and because the snow was coming down and we kept going in places (like the bus, the train etc.) the snow would melt and his eyes would drip the red dye... onto the floor... so his creepy bleeding eyes were dripping onto the floor... hilarious to watch other people..."omigod, that dog is bleeding out of his eyes and his owner is barely 15 years old and doesn't even notice... omigod, it's on the floor... so gross"
:)
Which brings me to my version of possessed: I was riding on the bus home (with the dog) and a lady got on with these super cute kids. Three little girls. I mean super cute kids, with like cute hats and everything. I looked up and BAM! the longest nose I have ever seen on a woman. I tried not to stare but I couldn't help it. I'm glad I was at the back of the bus and she wasn't paying attention. Her nose was seriously as long as my pointer finger and her nostril, NO JOKE, had to be 3/4 inch to an inch long. LONG not wide... it was not wide, but long. although it did have slight bulbous action going on at the end. I stared until I got off, and then I daydreamed about it all the way home... were those kids hers? Those kids didn't have big noses? I wonder what her nose to body ratio is? What kind of names did they use to make fun of her? Does it get in the way when she kisses? Has she broken it before.... how many times did it take? I know I'm going to hell for that one... but seriously. I'm still thinking about it.
Now, I must go because I have to buy food to feed myself with... Apparently, this is something most people do that I'm not accustomed to doing anymore.
So that's my story, bleeding eyes and a nose with it's own ecosystem.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
We're all still babies
I'm sorry I haven't written in awhile guys... its just... well I'm boring most of the time.
My mom is gone for the week because of family. It's amazing how shit goes down and then all of a sudden your mother, who destroys the kitchen when she cooks and leaves papers EVERYWHERE so that your home looks like it just went through a hurricane that only effected your house, becomes that super hero you remember as a kid. I don't think it matters how old you are, you just well, want mommy to fix it. Oh, and its not bad enough that YOU think she's going to fix it but YOUR DAD is pretty sure she can fix it too. It boggles my mind because, let's be honest, sometimes I'm a pretty good thinker, but I detach from reality and think, as long as she's there nothing bad is going to happen. I'm not sure what my mom can do - besides cure cancer with her breakfast burritos - but I just KNOW she can do it.
Which leads me to my next weird connection, I started thinking about babies. I know all of you know I'm terrified of being pregnant - not so much the devotion of the rest of my life to a living being that will go through puberty and amount me to the dumbest thing on the plant - but the growing a living thing in MY UTERUS. I've discussed this with a few of you, but let me reinforce the fears once again: FAT ankles = growing feet, morning sickness without the fun time of the previous night, ummm... NO drinking (martinis, margaritas, shots, OR wine... yeah not even wine... grrr), sushi, limiting my coffee intake (assholes), HEMRRHOIDS - God, thinks this one is funny... I say nay... that is just mean to add another problem hole, and finally, the actually birthing process which if any of you have seen... super gross. Like wow, i'm going to throw up watching this, how can my body even survive a beating like that? I've never understood how people think its beautiful just because its "the miracle of life." From a scientific perspective, yeah, super crazy building a small being in your belly, but lets be honest, it's not something you will ever look dignified doing and it's probably foul smelling too.... just sayin' I'm not a fan of this whole birthing process God created... I personally think the cabbage patch idea was the blue ribbon winner.
Going on to my DREAMS of babies. I had a dream, Torri and I were babysitting baby Emma. I won't tell you the shennanigans we went through (because it's a dream and really, i have no idea how half of them happened) but I did want to tell you it was halloween and we dressed Emma in the CUTEST costumes. ONE - a glow worm... yes, it is as cute as you are picturing it... except she was like a FAT glow worm, two - i think it was a flower that we pulled on red wagon and the last i believe was super girl (which I was for halloween) and disappointingly enough, she was cuter in MY outfit.
Then LAST night, I had another dream I was teaching the ABCs and how to spell kids names... I have some awesome ideas. I don't know guys, does this mean I want babies... or just have them magically appear?
Ok, it needs to be noted that while I'm writing this post, three dogs are jumping on me and wanting me to play and I'm completely ignoring them... i know I'll be a great parent now, I've got the ignoring thing down.... wait did I remember to feed them?
My mom is gone for the week because of family. It's amazing how shit goes down and then all of a sudden your mother, who destroys the kitchen when she cooks and leaves papers EVERYWHERE so that your home looks like it just went through a hurricane that only effected your house, becomes that super hero you remember as a kid. I don't think it matters how old you are, you just well, want mommy to fix it. Oh, and its not bad enough that YOU think she's going to fix it but YOUR DAD is pretty sure she can fix it too. It boggles my mind because, let's be honest, sometimes I'm a pretty good thinker, but I detach from reality and think, as long as she's there nothing bad is going to happen. I'm not sure what my mom can do - besides cure cancer with her breakfast burritos - but I just KNOW she can do it.
Which leads me to my next weird connection, I started thinking about babies. I know all of you know I'm terrified of being pregnant - not so much the devotion of the rest of my life to a living being that will go through puberty and amount me to the dumbest thing on the plant - but the growing a living thing in MY UTERUS. I've discussed this with a few of you, but let me reinforce the fears once again: FAT ankles = growing feet, morning sickness without the fun time of the previous night, ummm... NO drinking (martinis, margaritas, shots, OR wine... yeah not even wine... grrr), sushi, limiting my coffee intake (assholes), HEMRRHOIDS - God, thinks this one is funny... I say nay... that is just mean to add another problem hole, and finally, the actually birthing process which if any of you have seen... super gross. Like wow, i'm going to throw up watching this, how can my body even survive a beating like that? I've never understood how people think its beautiful just because its "the miracle of life." From a scientific perspective, yeah, super crazy building a small being in your belly, but lets be honest, it's not something you will ever look dignified doing and it's probably foul smelling too.... just sayin' I'm not a fan of this whole birthing process God created... I personally think the cabbage patch idea was the blue ribbon winner.
Going on to my DREAMS of babies. I had a dream, Torri and I were babysitting baby Emma. I won't tell you the shennanigans we went through (because it's a dream and really, i have no idea how half of them happened) but I did want to tell you it was halloween and we dressed Emma in the CUTEST costumes. ONE - a glow worm... yes, it is as cute as you are picturing it... except she was like a FAT glow worm, two - i think it was a flower that we pulled on red wagon and the last i believe was super girl (which I was for halloween) and disappointingly enough, she was cuter in MY outfit.
Then LAST night, I had another dream I was teaching the ABCs and how to spell kids names... I have some awesome ideas. I don't know guys, does this mean I want babies... or just have them magically appear?
Ok, it needs to be noted that while I'm writing this post, three dogs are jumping on me and wanting me to play and I'm completely ignoring them... i know I'll be a great parent now, I've got the ignoring thing down.... wait did I remember to feed them?
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