You are supposed to work out at a gym, right?

Apparently, not always is the right answer.
I walked into the gym today with my capri workout pants and a t-shirt. I do feel that majorly short shorts are not in my workout routine anymore, mainly because I use machines more and your ass sticking to the seat sucks.

ANYWAY, I walk in with my soon-to-be-nemisis. Why? She's like 40-50 years old, truly, I can't tell. She wears hot pink (always) with make-up with her hair down and goes straight to the eliptical machine. Since I've been gone I didn't know but apparently hot pink is THE color to wear at the gym for older ladies. Seriously. All old ladies wear pink, obnoxious pink. Fun FACT: teenagers wear black (they must continue to show rebellion while conforming to gym standards) and normal work-out chicks wear clothes that look like they've been doing this for awhile, by that I mean they look like they are there to rock and roll not pose for playboy. Going on to my lady in pink, I think she probably is nice. She smiles ALL the time, at other people, at herself in the mirror. But I find myself studying her in between my reps because she seriously poses while walking on the eliptical and checks herself out. She is WALKING on it for like 40 min AND not sweating. AT ALL. Mayhaps she feels it would wreck her hair. The more I look at her, the more I just don't like her species procreating. I mean, she's the modern version of Narcissus. Ok, she might have a reason to walk for 40 min, maybe she has a limp, and maybe it's the only exercise she can do for right now, but Picture this, she DROPS her right shoulder and puffs out her chest and swings her hair EVERYTIME she looks in the mirror. It is FREAKING unnecessary. We all laugh at you and wonder why you waste your money on a gym membership when you should just get yourself a webcam and video tape yourself watching tv.

Another thing I don't understand, while it doesn't completely annoy me, I just feel bad for these women (and maybe some men) who waste their time. I watched a girl and her mother walk in, she might have been 17... mom was about 40 but looked WAY older and both slightly overweight. Good for them coming into the gym with each other for support. Wait, they did one revolution on some machines (ONE- one exercise each) and walked for 10 minutes and left. (Insult to injury they took one of my machines WHILE I was doing my intervals so I had to switch up... it's ok, I survived.) They were doing weights that were less than mine (yes, I'm buff but I'm also little) and did not even break a sweat either. I wanted to go over and say, NO use the 10 lb weight so you'll at least build more muscle and burn more calories if you are going to only do this once.... and the poor 17 year old was afraid to be by a machine by herself. I TOTALLY understand that. If you don't know what the hell the machine does, you are pretty sure it will eat you and spit out your bones. But her mom wasn't helping and I wanted to take pity on her and show her how but she never left her mom's side... it was kind of a "are-you-my-mother?" moment.

I'm not knocking people for going to the gym, that in itself is hard, i get it. I HATE going myself but I love my abs. I'm also at an age where I'm spending money going to this place I might as well take advantage.... but I mean, if you are going to get dressed, grab all your shit, drive there, and get on a freaking treadmill... go for sweating like a pig.

NO you will not get hit on there (most likely if you look like me at the gym "NOT NOW CHIEF, I'M IN THE FUCKING ZONE"), but you will look good in your jeans next time you go out and hell, put some sour cream on your taco and don't feel bad about it.

Oh and for those ladies who go soley to look at the guys working out, be aware:
1) If they have rocking hard bodies, they go there ALOT AND if they date you, they will still go there WITHOUT you. Meaning, expect gym time to be permanent.
2) If they are serious about working out, they look like shit too.
3) He might be gay. Just sayin.
4) You might get hit on, but probably not if you are acting like those people above, the guys will make fun of you too.