Yes, my underwear

So there I was.... surrounded by loads of laundry. I, unlike most people I know, enjoy the monotony of folding. It's soothing, like when I fill out paperwork... yes, paperwork. Something about doing something that I don't have to think about, calms me down... which explains my Masters in Public Admin. (NO, not that it was brainless... that I enjoy paperwork and research... jeez, haters)

Anyway, I was folding my underwear, yes my underwear, and noticed something quite shocking... my underwear... its getting bigger.
You: WHAT?!
Me:I know I'm astounded as well.

I'm not saying my ass is getting bigger, mayhaps it is as well... but that my actual underwear does not consist of just strips of cloth or string. Where did they all go? Did they disappear with the socks? (Actually, my dog Pookah, has this thing for shredding thongs - true story - its gross.)

Then it hits me - I'm gonna tell you because one day this will make sense to others if they have not already - you will go through the transition to comfy undies. I stopped replacing, buying, or even looking at thongs.
You:WHAT?
Me: I am astounded as well, no... well, actually I'm not.

Most girls: "No, I find thongs more comfortable", "they are sexy", "I hate panty lines", "it makes pole dancing easier"...

You are brainwashed. Think back, WAY back to your first thong. Here I'll tell you about mine:
(My mom is played by Lois from family guy, I am Meg without glasses and that stupid hat.)

Meg (me): Mom, I need a thong because my underwear and bloomers are the same size, and it looks bad.
Lois: Ok, honey. I'll pick some up later after work. (She worked at Macy's.)

LATER
Lois: Here baby, I brought you two kinds.
Meg: What is that?
Lois: These are thongs. This one is mesh and this one is cotton blend.
Meg: wait a minute... Is that even really considered underwear? Seriously? It only covers the diamond in the rough... And why would you even wear a mesh thong? You can see right through it... see? (Meg, looking through the mesh thong, waving at Lois)
Lois: Ummmm... this is a thong, sweetheart.
Meg: Fine, I'll wash it and try it on later tonight, I'll suffer for my sport (which was cheerleading - refer back to my previous confusion of why I thought I was the shit).

LATER TONIGHT
Meg: Mom, this goes up my butt.
Lois: It's supposed to dear.
Meg: It feels like rope burn.


NOW

I remember grinning and bearing it because it was what was expected of my bum and modern underwear wearing teenagers. In fact, until I got to college, I was a thong wearer UNTIL (boys you may want to look away) it turns out that your girl parts can get infections. Yeah, I went there. Be grossed out because I WAS. And do you know WHY thong wearers are more prone to infection?
(Fellas, look away or I'll destroy your thong wearing world)
THAT STRIP OF CLOTH RUBS THE SEWER WITH THE PLAYGROUND! In fact, it's a GYNECOLOGICAL NIGHTMARE.

It makes it temporarily out of order... or in my case, constantly. AND for another fun fact, a MAN created the thong. Of course. OK, so I didn't like the idea of my limited thong wearing time when I first was put on my thong diet, but who really likes a diet? But just like eating healthy (no disgusting pun intended), I got used to it. So used to it, almost every guy I've ever dated probably remembers my underwear as anything but a thong. But now, I hate it when my butt gets cold. Seriously, it's a pet peeve of mine, things like that will keep me up late at night. Another true story.

That's not to say I didn't try out the boy shorts. I like them and I still wear those types but seriously because I don't wear cheerleading uniforms, business suits, and skin tight jeans that often anymore (cheerleading uniform not for YEARS), I don't see the point in wearing a thong.

So while I'm folding these underwear that are "full bottom" (NOT waist high, I still wear low rise and mayhaps with cute little things on them... I have standards), I realize I have crossed over another line of being comfortable over being sexy. At first, I felt shame, then I remember that most 28 year olds don't have my sweet ass and I feel better. :)

To all of my 5 loyal readers, I say this: (standing with hands on my hips)
I stand proud in my full bottom low ride cotton underwear.
(Turning) And you can see that it is toasty warm.