I've been having trouble

So there I am surrounded... by cookbooks and paper... I started this writing "thing" that is supposed to be like non-stop-going-crazy-whatever-you-want-to-say... and I realize something. I don't want to SAY anything. I don't create my own stories with my imagination... I experience life then exaggerate about how it went down.

NO plot
NO in-depth characters
NO antagonist (unless I somehow make it myself)
NO hero (ummm... yeah, I'm never gonna be a hero)
NO ending...

I just usually have a setting and some thoughts (or unfortunate circumstance) and go.

Crazy dogs - YES
CRAZY people- YES
Poop..... yess....

So instead of writing about my Halloween because it was just a party time, I'm going to write a story about my friend Limo, because this really happened... and it's funny

H'ok. You must know by now, I have some great friends and this is why:

My boyfriend's parents live in this like huge house, by that I mean mansion... the size of the pool area is as big as my old apartment... (please don't think this a reflection on my bf, who i love dearly, because he currently lives in a kinda small room filled with his stuff, NOT in said mansion....)

Well, my friend Limo, his gf (Soprano) and Dev and I crashed after Halloween. The next day, I'm feeling surprisingly ok. but... my ass hurts. Ok, not my ass - more my asshole. AND YES, the first thing I did was accuse my bf of a personal foul... he said, "NAY friend, Nay." And I believe him, mainly because I remembered what happened that night. I'm laying on the bed, contemplating my hurt asshole, when Limo comes in. Limo is built like a Mac Truck, me, I'm more of a mini coop.

Limo played by Mac Truck: Hey, what's going on?
Me - mini coop: Oh, nothing.... by that I mean my asshole hurts and I'm afraid to poop.
Limo: SO... about that....
Me: ......
Limo: You know how there's like a million zillion bathrooms in this place....
Me: uh huh.....
Limo: Dev showed me like two upstairs, then two downstairs... he like gave me the options and tried to guide me there. When I finally found one, well wouldn't you know I had to go, y'know, and well, I used the only one in the entire house that won't flush.
Me: BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!!!!
After a minute of me laughing:
Me: dude that sucks.

Needless to say, it turned out all right. Toilet did flush (thank the toilet lords of the drain), but man, I had to tell everyone then laugh again.

We went to breakfast (which was amazing) and I hung out with the fam. I made sure they knew that my ass hurt and that Limo's poop is infamous.

But it reminded me of another story that happened the day before that I CAN'T believe I didn't mention. OK, so Limo and Soprano drove down to come hang for Halloween. We totally had a Rock Band 3 party and it was AWESOME. I was a backup singer but most importantly I was the Hookah Manager. (For the rest of you, no, not pot... I don't do that crap, for shizzle.)

Well after a night of going crazy with the Jackson 5 and Coheed, it was time to turn in. My sister's husband is on the couch fast asleep - I'm about to head to bed, Limo just went to grab something to eat, and Soprano is smoking the hookah... Limo sits down and CRASH!!!BOOM!POW!!! (not really but you get it)


THE HOOKAH HAS TIPPED OVER AND IS NOW BURNING THE COUCH!


Everything happens at once - Limo jumps up so he won't get burned in the back, while Soprano jumps up to save Limo and the Hookah (dude, the fact that it didn't break is remarkable.) My bro-in-law flies to a standing position throws off the cushions like he's Hulk Hogan. Limo speeds to grab the coals with a plastic wrapper; no sooner had he picked it up Soprano yells, "THAT'S PLASTIC," Limo screams in pain (yet remarkably threw the coals on the glass table without missing), and I look around for something to stop the burning... (Yes, friends I'm a bit slower, but only because I was the furthest away). I see my barcardi/coke and water... What do you think I threw to save the day?




Water, you idiots.

What is this? Amateur hour? (Soprano, 2010)

Anyway, that was the fastest 15 seconds in the world and started the weekend. Nice right?

Oh wait, I know you are wondering, so what happened to your asshole? Did you fall on a cone shaped contraption? Did your boyfriend play with the no fly zone? Did you sit in a middle seat that wasn't really middle seat? I think everyone knows.

I was abducted by aliens and they gave me an anal probe.