Ok, it started off easy enough. I had to drive myself to the airport in Tampa... no biggie.
WELL, turns out, on "economy" parking, they don't have those cute little buggies to carry your luggage. This is a problem. I have a carry-on, a dog and a 50lb bag. Yeah, an 100lb girl has to carry a 50lb duffle bag, WITHOUT rollers to the elevator. So this is how I did it: I let my dog just follow me and put the bag on my back like a backpack with the straps as my arm holes. My dog was scared but I was determined. I determined myself right into a parked car. The bag was really heavy and I know I looked like an ant. Did I mention I was also pulling along my carry-on?
I finally get to the terminal, got through security and was thirsty. (I unfortunately had to throw away my coffee while I was attempting the "manifest destiny" of my stupid bag.) WELL, I had to go potty and was hoping my dog would go to the bathroom in the bathroom after my great example, but she was having none of it. It didn't surprise me, she never seems to have to go when we fly. (I really need to get her doggy-Xanax.) I finally get cleaned up and walk over to the shop that sells water, which was luckily right next to my get. YAY!! God loves me.
No, no he doesn't. My dog took a shit right in front of the little store front, right next to my gate. Yup, right there, in front of everyone, not two minutes after I left the haven of the bathroom. Did I have napkins? Did I have a plastic baggy? NO NO I DID NOT! I had to go into the store and ASK for a baggy so I could clean up the mess... Pookah (my dog) yeah, she felt so much better she started strutting... don't worry, I cleaned it up.
After that, thankfully my life was uneventful. Until I got to NY to get on my Prague flight... mind you, I've worked with kids for awhile so I have no problem talking to them. But there was this obnoxious kid that was RIGHT in front of me during my Tampa flight, who's mother thought that appeasing him would be the best way to discipline him... (lets just note my opinion that these children turn into entitled throwing poop monkey adults). Anyway, she controlled him by telling him that cops were on the plane and would arrest him if he was bad... yeah she even pointed out a guy wearing a hollister jacket with a patch and said that she thought that he was the cop because he had a badge.... Great mom. I was like, you can't tell your kid to just behave you have to threaten him with the fake law? NOW, this kid will think he's going to get arrested by hollister wearing pre-adolescent boys. Well, no, I lie... he didn't think that, he still misbehaved.
So, I was lucky enough to have the same kid on my flight. Instead of sitting in front of me, he was now standing behind me in line. He came up and asked about my dog. I was polite. He asked why the dog had to be in a bag, I told him it was because people could be allergic and it was the rules of the plane. He asked if the bag was there to save the dog if we crashed... this is where I should've said something like, "i would protect her if we crashed, like your mom would protect you", or y'know a simple yes.
Did I do that... no, no I did not. I said, "ummm, if the plane crashes nothing is going to save us." The mom looked at me like I was a monster and said, "he's only six." The mom (with her ultimate wisdom) did was she did last time and lied to her kid and said yes, the case would save the dog. I turned around feeling like maybe I shouldn't have been so honest, or maybe I should apologize... but then I thought, "NAY, that kid needs a dose of reality."
I spent the rest of the flight in an uncomfortable half slumber, with my joints swelling... not so bad though. God was like, "Hey, that's for scaring a six-year old devil woman."
I finally get to Prague, glad of the trip being over. I had enough excitement.
THEN, I almost slipped and fell on the snow when I got to the cab. Thank the lord for the cabby's cat like speed and reflexes... I get home, welcoming the thought of warm house and pjs. I reach out to unlock the door and BAM!!!!!!! i slipped right on to my back, right before I got inside. The cabby brought my bags and just looked sorry for me.
Yes, this is a true story... Thank God its over... (or maybe he made me fall for good measure... damn six year-old.)
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