Haters vs. Bitches

So, I'm sitting in a coffee shop examining my existence drinking a chai latte grooving to the coffee shop music.... and I come to the conclusion: I really hate bitches.

You might not know the difference between bitches and haters so I'll tell you.

I must, of course, disclose that I am a hater. I come from a long line of haters so it is 2nd nature to me. Hell, my best girlfriends (and some guy friends) are haters as well. It doesn't mean they are outright mean - they just hate on shit. If you haven't noticed by now, you are truly misguided by my upbeat personality. I must also say, my hater-vision turns off for those less fortunate. Yes I'm a bleeding heart hater. It does make sense.
See, haters hate. If you dress like an idiot, you are going to be hated on, because you DRESS LIKE AN IDIOT. If you are dressing skanktastic, well please expect that people (like myself) will think you are a skank. Haters are straightforward for the most part. We don't really need a "good" reason, but most of the time, the reasons are still pretty funny:

I'm hating because:
1) she has no idea that her ass looks like cottage cheese in those shorts
2) he hasn't seen a dentist in a decade
3) he freakin wishes he was Nick Lachey (this could mean all sorts of things, but its still a bit scary)
4) she doesn't own a razor
My personal favorite
5) she has no idea what Ann Taylor is... seriously.

Now- bitches. Bitches are those girls who hang out with each other and seriously can't do anything without their BFFs. They are the ones that go in pairs to the bathroom for no reason. (Guys straight-up, I hardly ever take a partner to pee. If I do, its to talk shit, most likely about you or the bitch you are with... because i'm a hater. So go ahead, be paranoid. You deserve to be.)

Bitches make the new girls feel bad for being alive and they usually gang up on others. Kind of like a wolf pack taking down whatever they eat. Bitches don't look at you directly and usually talk to everyone AROUND you; or in most cases, talk to the guys in the group and ignore the girls. I get it, you are territorial - if you peed on a guy, I totally would let you have him... seriously if you pop a squat, he's ALL YOURS. That's dedication - I would totally give in and leave.

OH!! the most annoying thing about bitches, they like sit there and text each other at the table when people are right there... OMIGOD, you'd think they would have gotten over it in high school but no, they somehow got stunted there and guys, I'm ashamed to say - you let it continue. Girls, every girl has a bit of bitch in her, and will not hang out with bitches for very long. Oh, and they aren't always pretty or popular - sometimes they might just be the only girls around... still, I'd prefer to play Mario Bros. on Nintendo BY MYSELF, which I do - instead of sacrificing my wit to the witless.

This brings me to my story. I hate some girls over here. One guy I was talking to said, "Are you one of those girls who hate all girls?" Since I was inebriated, I could not explain my theories and conclusions eloquently without sounding like a bitch. Well, I am still a hater, so I said what was on my mind, "I just hate THOSE bitches."

I'm sure he got it... right.
Hey bitches, if you are reading this: Haters know you hate them too. We just don't give a shit.

Now, if you are still having trouble separating the two:
1) Bitches aren't funny or witty. Fuck them.
2) Bitches = drama queens. Haters = don't give a shit.
3) Bitches talk shit to each other and are petty.
4) Haters talk shit and will throw down. And here's a colorful example:

There was a McDonald's fiasco at Yon's bachelorette party that involved two of my other sisters fighting with this random European guy for cutting in line. It went a little like this:
(Len played by Tyra Banks, Yell played by Naomi Campbell) Fade out***

Fade in to McDonald's at 4 am***

All of us are in line waiting to order our delicious treats. 3 of us go through and Naomi is not paying attention. Thankfully her great little sister Tyra is paying attention.... 2 guys try to play cuts-ies.

Tyra: Just so you know, I saw you just cut in line in front of my sister. You did it because she's drunk and that is so rude, but whatever - go ahead and order.
Pathetic random douche: No... i mean, you can go, I didn't know you were in line...
Tyra: no, just go ahead, really. You need your damn hamburger.
PRD: No, it's ok...
Tyra: It's ok for my sister to get back in the place she was supposed to be before you cut her in line? Thank you so much.
PRD's friend tries to jump in....
Tyra: You are from Europe right? Stay out of this.
PDR: There's no reason to get so aggressive, why are you being such a bitch?
Uh, oh... Naomi has just found out that there are some loud voices and someone is starting to bitch at her little sister... I am eating some delicious french fries... just watching this happen.
Naomi: Did you just call her a bitch? OH NO SIR! You are not allowed to yell at my sister! What are you 40? What kind of asshole yells at a young girl? What are you an idiot virgin? That's it you are a virgin...

Ok, now Naomi is getting in his face, and Tyra as well as the rest of the crew pull her away without her treats (I had to give her some of mine) while Naomi's still screaming, "PATHETIC 40 yr old VIRGIN!!!!"

***fade out

Yeah that really happened. I'm just saying, haters will throw down. I've had one of my sisters almost kill an ex's new gf who showed up at a party that he was NOT invited to and told NOT to come (she backed down, hence no bloodshed). I've made two of my cheerleading squads cry for being bitches... (seriously - I'm not proud but don't ASK me why I'm getting upset if you DON'T want to hear it... I'll tell you and if you cry, that's your problem.)

All I'm saying is that I hate bitches and don't mess with Haters.
Haters usually don't start the fight, but we'll damn well finish it.

Yeah, I'm 4'8''. It don't matter. :)