It's a jungle out there

Sorry folks, I haven't been on, because my brain has not been looking at the world normally... yes, my amusement meter went down. SO TODAY, I decided to turn it back on...

wow.

So, you know I work with three year olds right? I love three year olds. They are like humans with no concept of social awkwardness or filters in general... (almost as good as two year olds... almost.)


I noticed a few things... because we are learning about animals, I started noticing some similarities in the tiny humans I work with and the entirety of survival in the animal kingdom.

Here I go:

1. We are vicious when it comes to ownership. It doesn't matter how NICE the kid is, how well behaved they are, they will slap a bitch for taking his/her toy. ...ONE block even if they have all but that one block. It's not about whether or not its necessary for building... I touched it first, I own it. (This is also a variation on the children that spit or lick something to claim ownership as well... and men never grow out of this faze... thanks Freud, I'm sure this has deeper meaning.)

2. Being modest is a human thing, we don't naturally have it. If you have to go, you have to go... I get it. My sister has a term "right now" for those moments when turtle heads are become full grown tortoises. Yup I said it.
Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I've seen a kid RUN out of the bathroom with his/her pants down, to let me know they went poop. OR even better, when they inform me with their pants up, and then I asked if they wipe... and they shuffle back in there... OR when they call me to the bathroom to tell me they pooped, and they need help to wipe... yes, that happens... I almost prefer that then having the find the kid whose skid marks are a full wreck and wrecking havoc on my sensitive nose, and it's everywhere but being somehow contained by a pair of superman undies... so he does have some power...

3. We eat anything. Trust me. I know a kid who hates green beans, but eats his buggars like its going out of style. It doesn't make sense... I'm like, they are the same color, probably around the same consistency (the canned kind), and salty... where is the line?... THERE ISN'T ONE. My sisters dogs lick each other's ears and eye gook... I'm sure if a three year old liked the taste.... "come here Fido... I want a snack." I mean... and that's leaving out the adventures of trying mudpies, leaf soup, and mulch cake.

You are probably thinking, "nope, I was not that kid"... well, let's see, did you ever play with play-do? That's what I thought, you tried it, and that kid, sitting next to you, he ate his buggars and didn't wash his hands before he was forced to share some of his play-do with you....

Yummy.

Don't you dare judge: Think about it, one day, a long time ago, someone looked at a cow and said, "I tried your milk... but let's be honest, you've got a sweet rib cage..." or look at the pig (fun fact: the animal that goes feral the most easily and survives bitches) and say, "you eat anything... I guess I can eat you."

It probably went like this:

Man: Mr. Chicken, you've been a great companion this whole time.
Chicken: Thanks man, you too.
Man: You've provided me with eggs, feathers, and you are the best wing man ever.
Chicken: Yeah, we've been through a lot, feeding you, helping you make head dresses, getting you ready for the ladies....
Man: ...yeah... but when I said wing man.. I meant I'm drawn to them... they look delicious.
Chicken: I do not like where this is going.

End scene.

4. Now, that's not to say, we are just gross, selfish beings... its just we come from heartier stalk than we remember... y'know before we had standards and sensibilities. We still naturally create a hierarchy. "Coolness" as not such a factor with three year olds as being ballsy enough to say "Fart" in front of your teacher or having gained more than one a sticker on your shirt (yes, even if you have to steal it). But more about conforming to your friends. If one kid says "poop", and gets away with it, they all try. If I say, "I like the way our friend is sitting so quietly with his hands in his lap", the kids will do that too...

We are social beings that want love and attention as well as support from our peers. No wonder high school is such a killer of souls... usually its the idiot who is the most vocal about their exploits and peer pressure is a bitch. Just ask the guys who inhaled fire ants as an homage to Ozzy... (Disturbingly, though not surprisingly, they died due to the inflammation of the ant bites in the nasal cavity.... true story: watch a 1000 ways to die.) *Insert breeding joke here.

5. Now, the one thing I do love about three year olds and animals in general. They are not grudge holders... yes, they will throw a tantrum, and they WILL let you know that "YOU CAN'T COME TO MY HOUSE!" and sometimes, they will poop in retaliation... But, they'll calm down and give you a hug and a kiss and still tell you they love you. My heart melts every time... I can only imagine when I have children what kind of feeling that will be.



Unless of course they decide to eat their buggars and kiss me on the mouth...