Never ever shake a baby...

So there I was... surrounded by 17 three years olds... Ok, I can handle a LOT of things, usually these same children... but not today. Today these children were taken over by the devil and I needed a priest. First, three of the angel children I usually have decided to get an attitude and repeatedly said "I want my mommy", "..but I'm COLD", and "AHHHHHH", not in that order but just as annoying... THEN my usual "misfits" decide to go the extra mile and start hitting people, throwing jackets and mulch for the fun of it... I couldn't get control of these kids without an electric collar. Luckily, I did get help (yes, other people realized how overwhelmed I was) and 4 kids were taken out. I'm ok with that.

My problem is:
1) My experience level with this many small people (at that age).
2) My ways of "solving" an issue

Ok, I don't yell if I can help it. I don't think yelling solves much except to tell this kid, "This is my limit... please keep pushing." I am better at not reacting than reacting. Trust me, when a kid becomes super dramatic, they hate people like me.

KID: "I WANT THAT TOY!!!!"
Me: "Well, someone else is playing with it"
KID: "BUT I WANT IT!!!"
Me: "I hear you but its not an option"
KID: "I WANT IT!!"
Me: "I hear you but its not an option"
(that refrain might be repeated a dozen times or so)
Then-
KID: "I WANT MY MOMMY"
Me: "I do too, she'll be here later, I promise"
Kid: ".....oh....k...."


That's how it usually happens anyway. I just don't want to yell and my distracting tactics are muddled in my brain so I can't think on my feet like I used to (thanks Alcohol, you're a great help, next time kill the brain cells that remember "diarrhea incident"). On days like this I totally remember why I don't have kids. Though in all fairness, I can spank my kids if I need to (although that is not my main punishment).

Anyway, it like threatening them is the only way to get my way, "no more housekeeping for you if you continue", "I'm sorry but I'm going to have to hold on to your sticker until you decide to behave again", "I think you'll have to sit by me or go inside the 2 year old room and sit with the babies" - all effective but I don't feel comfortable doing it.
I mean, I like to give choices:
a) come sit down with me
b) go sit down inside away from your friends

Stubborn dirty hands
A) Wash your hands and eat snack
B) I'll wait to until you have clean hands to give you snack

Kids fighting over toys
a) Do you want to go to time out?
b) Do you want me to put the toy in time out?

I feel like if they have more control over their destiny they are more likely to comply (which I know to be true for lots of children), HOWEVER, I find myself wanting to say stupid things like, "Oh, I'm sorry you cannot play with my toys", or "No dinosaurs FOR YOU!", or "I control the stickers, you control your behavior" (They are three and while the first two they'll understand, I feel like they will mimic these mean things to other children and then the whole, "You're not my friend," "you can't come to my birthday party" begins.

Of course, I always fall back to, "oh, if we are not friends, we cannot play" then all of a sudden, Jesus is resurrected and all is fine again. Truly, the mind of a three year old is awesome, I just wish I could squash it sometimes...

So today, I went back to the mantra that I have learned that keeps me peaceful and reminds me of how precious these children really are:

"Never EVER shake a baby"