Judgement Day

I'm not one to normally judge people - I just notice things that most people don't notice and I find them hilarious or disgusting... Well Florida, we've got some work to do because I'm being judgy...

I went to the beach with my sister to enjoy some sun, some drinks, some good company... and I couldn't help but notice some disturbing things:

1. Boob jobs. Now before you think I'm just plain hating - its not true. I want a boob job after kids if I feel my boobs are not up to par. Seriously. Something tasteful NOT something that would prevent me from seeing my bellybutton. I happen to like my belly button. Going on, There are ALOT of them. I mean, why do we all need D cups? You'll have to part the White Sea of boob flesh if you ever want to see your feet... I don't get it. And it's like an older thing. What is it with boobs anyway? They are mammary glands, and you lose sensitivity sometimes when you get them so it has to be a vain thing... BUT It's not just a boob job thing either - it's mixed with:

2. Leather skin. I know there is probably something called a Tanning Addiction. It might not be in the DSM-IV yet (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) but I bet you someone has thought about it. I mean at what point do you look in the mirror and say, "You know, my skin just doesn't look enough like John Wayne." It's not younger people (probably because the sun damage isn't at an all time high) but like old ladies. I mean, did you see the movie Something about Mary with the old leather lady... I was like if that lady smiles, she will crack her face. Or I saw people that just looked like odd colors - not brown but brown red. AND it focuses on the parts that sag... So I'm staring at saggy leather, almost cracked skin... it hurts us precious. yeah that was the beach - except almost everyone was blubborous... with saggy skin - how do those two things live together on the same body, i dont' know, its a conundrum.

3. FURTHERMORE - Some bathing suits should not be worn by normal people. Ok, First off, those bathing suits that are "faux one pieces," they are like one piece with cut outs in the sides and back... the ONLY people that look good in these are models:

a) because they don't eat
b) They arent worried about fucked up tan lines - they tan naked.

I saw a lady, and I seriously felt sorry for her because she was wearing one of these and all it did was show her side fat rolls. Why? WHY? I mean, I have my sisters and friends that will prevent me from leaving the house if I look like a two-dollar call girl - They will stop me from BUYING something that will not flatter my shape (if I had a shape, and I didn't look so much like a little boy).

4. Lastly, Bellys are deceiving in bikinis. I thought people were pregnant and they were not. (I had Yonie telling me - umm... not I don't think so...) I don't want everyone to think that I think pregnant ladies in bikinis are gross because I'm totally ALL about it. If I'm pregnant (while I fear all of those reasons I mentioned in a earlier blog) I pray that I'll be one of those women who just feels sexy. (My luck, I'm one of those women who'll puke for 6 months, but hey one can wish.) I just hate that I can't tell. Some people hold their weight in their tummy's but I'm so scared one day I'll be like, "so when are you due" and get hit or make someone cry. So I never ask... :(

My last little things are babies at the beach... They are freakin cuter than puppies playing with toilet paper (the soft kind, not the rip you a new asshole kind). OH, my baby is totally wearing a hat and I'm getting it some digging tools. I seriously loved all the babies (chubby, skinny, ugly), they are ALL cute on the beach. Let's be honest ALL bathing suits look huge on babies butts (because of the diaper) OR they have those chubby little legs OR they have the little tummy's that stick out... EITHER WAY - I fall in love with stranger's children.

Luckily I'm not a 50 year old man who is blubberous with leather skin in a tight bathing suit and huge boobs - because then this obsession would probably land me in jail.

P.S. Yon and I discussed my chubby baby obsession, and we've both decided that I probably won't be able to produce one...
HOWEVER, I could possibly produce a cute tiny monkey cuddly baby. I'll take it.