Tally, Tally, Tally.

I traveled up to see my Tallahassee Lassies... boy did I. I meet up with my tally crew. My old roomies. I also meet up with my ex while I'm there. Many of you know that I remain friends with my ex, we'll call him Mississippi boy, and yes Dev knows. Well, one would think it would be weird and awkward... well it was... just kidding. It actually went really well. we had a few drinks and a few laughs.

Of course my old roommate- the C-had, pulls out his iPhone to show us what kind of crazy things are on the internet. Well guys, apparently there is a top ten list of augmented mammary glands out there and they are HUGE. I couldn't stop staring. I'm not saying I was disgusted either, I was freakin AMAZED. Seriously. I want to see the show, "TRUE LIFE: My breast are bigger than my children" and here's why:

a) I NEED to know how they get prepared for a boob job that big - stretchy skin, are there air pumps, do you manually lift them up and down?
b) How large are their back muscles? There has to be specified workouts... those boobs are devotion
c) Would anyone really notice if they have pants on?

These questions need to be answered and they would on my new show, "True life: I can't stop wondering about your boobs and how much longer before they have their own solar system"

Going on: so Mississippi boy (MB)and Dev meet up - no big deal - actually, I think the two guys that were MB's friends were more weirded out than we were.

Them: "How do you know each other?"
Me: "Well, I dated him for about 3 years and now I'm dating this guy..."

It just kinda doesn't go that well in conversation.

{side note completely off topic - after three months I can still drive! YAY!! it's parking that's the problem. Not kidding, I could not park even if it was a straight shot... twice I parked on the line... not sure why, i mean I SAW the line, I TURNED the wheel... I don't know why my parking skills were effected but I have been practicing and we'll see how it goes in another three months, a three year old in their toy jeep could do a better job}

ANYWAY, the interesting part is the next day when we go to the pool - p.s. I'm staying with friends (I'll call them The Terminator and The Terminator's wifey) AND I totally invite myself over to MB's pool. So we are hanging out with my new bf, my old bf, my old roommates, and MB's new girl/friend (they are undefined). Was it awkward? still no - though the story where I kick MB in the balls came up...

*fade out of scene at pool

*fade in to two people fighting (played by Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, why? because it's my damn story)

Angie: I'm pissed at you, get out of the way so I can walk upstairs to my bedroom and go to sleep.
Brad: No.
Angie: Get out of my way or I'll kick you in the balls.
Brad: No, I really think we should talk about this.
Angie: Seriously, I'm going to kick you in the balls.
Brad: Stop being pissed.
Angie kicks Brad in the balls.

AND SCENE

*fade back into pool

Good times.

So Anyway, we decide after drinking all day to go eat at a bar and grill called Paradise. First time I've ever been there. Old people are so funny when they are drunk.... by that I mean, there were a lot of old people there. And not "Athena old" I'm talking like 50-60 year olds, shitfaced and dancing... which by the way - is awesome.

Well, we start drinking... and SHOTS!! Now, I've been good. At least I've been trying but Shots, I wish I could quit you. (Yes that was a brokeback mountain reference because our love is misunderstood by the general public and sometimes it gets out of hand...)

I can't tell you how many I had but I can say that I do remember humping Terminator's knee (which to be honest, I would do sober so I suppose that doesn't count) and I remember just acting like a stupid dancer shakin my groove thang... Ok, well my bf, and my ex bf and several other of my guy friends are now getting tanked. The leaders are the ones that dated me (of course). We decided to head out.

Dev thought we were going home - NO! CLYDE'S BABY!! Why? Why? I have no freakin clue... my judgment was off.

THANKFULLY, Terminator's wifey stayed sober and was DD. We ended up getting there and leaving before midnight. I can't remember much after that point other than I was feeding Dev water and praying that his ass wouldn't get kicked by the guy with brain damage. Seriously. The guy had brain damage and Dev was so drunk... it could've been real bad.

So... I get up the next day to go see my Japanese AWESOME MUFFIN (yes, that is a girl) and I get this phone call.

Athena: hello?
MB: What did you do to me?
Athena: Holy shit, are you ok?
MB: Hey, I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just saying I got roofied last night.
Athena: You did it to yourself man.
MB: I'm just saying, I haven't been binge drinking, you come in town and BAM!
Athena: WHAT?!
MB: HEY! I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just saying I got roofied last night.

He so took like 5 shots after like 6 drinks and drinking all day - his roofie was called alcohol. Don't really know what happened to him, but he was carried home.

Well, I was fine. till after breakfast then I turtled on the couch for like 4 hours. I would like to say then awesome things occurred but they didn't - I was educated (unintentionally) by the history channel in an attempt to forget my suffering. P.S. I super don't care what Lincoln "REALLY" looked like. Like his open pores are going to effect my life now.

All I am going to say is this:

Dear Liver,
You and I need to come to an understanding. I realize that you have been overworked these past few days so I want you to take a few days off. Please take advantage of these days so that you can take a proper rest.
Love you, Feel better,
Athena


Dear Shots,
I have contacted my lawyers for a trial separation. It is not you - it's me. We'll see how this goes, and IF we can work out an amicable solution, we can continue. However, our relationship needs work and I expect you to do your part by letting me have my space.
Your friend in Arms,
Athena